Thursday, May 3, 2007


I wrote a letter to my mom today. I'm not sure why I feel the need to post it, other than I think it's the most honest I've been with my family for a long time. I have this "solid rock" complex where I feel I need to come off stronger than I am. I hope I'm breaking that down, cause I'm not really that strong at all.

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Hey there, sorry I haven't written. Work has been extremely busy and taxing these last few weeks. _______ and I hardly even get a chance to write each other anymore. Things are going ok around here. It's been a pretty tough month in general though. With work being busy, and the stuff getting stolen, not to mention the little struggles with the band, car troubles, the stress of trying to plan a wedding, and trying to work on the house and live a "normal" life, I think it's all starting to catch up. I got to a point where I realized there was nothing I enjoyed in the day any longer, nothing to want to wake up for. Everything had become work and I got no rest anytime. That's partly my fault, cause I had to let it get that way, but I've been working through it. I've been getting up early all this week and taking time to watch the sun come up and read and think. There are times when it seems I've got so much to do, that if I take any time to reflect and be quiet, I feel irresponsible. I'm realizing now how important it is and these last couple mornings have been very refreshing. I look forward to going to sleep so that I can wake up and have my quiet time.

I'm glad you've at least got your house for a little while and I'm hoping you can find what you're looking for in another house. I know the house hasn't been the best to live in, but I remember how excited you were when you first moved in. Just remember how big of a blessing it was.

I've been struggling with the idea of keeping my job. I'm not going to quit any time soon, but it really has started to control my life and I don't like that. I almost cringe every time they give me a raise cause it makes it that much harder to leave and it looks more more irresponsible to the world if I did. I've been so troubled with that in conjunction with everything else going on that I've been starting to make mistakes at work, which makes it even less enjoyable. Failing has never been one of my strong points. I think there will be a turn around soon and I'll be feeling better about it. Conversion happens in a little over a week and I'm sure that is going to be a terrible time, but I'll make it through. I just have to remember how big of a blessing it was to get this job in the first place. I know I'm not meant to stay here for the rest of my life, but the education is has given me, and the finances it has allowed me have definitely put me in a better place. I think once I can snap this losing streak I'll feel much better.

Anyway, yeah, the pic I sent you last night was of landscaping. I think _______ might be sending more pics later. Her mom had a friend come down and do the work for me as a gift. I really looks nice. I got all the trim for the living room cut and painted and it will be going on this weekend. The Offut air show is this weekend too. If you guys are free on Saturday it might be something fun to do.

I still plan on coming to Grandma's for memorial day weekend, though I have no idea what weekend that actually is. I don't think we have any shows but even if we do I can make it for at least a day.

Well, I need to get around for work. Love you.


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