Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Eternal Struggle

I read a blog today  that inspired me to write. You can read the inspiration for yourself at lorilenz.wordpress.com. It’s very good.

The overall theme of her blog was essentially why do men suck so bad and why are the bad guys so attractive to women? Let me first start off by saying, I am in no way, shape or form the perfect man. If you talked to my wife and she told you the truth, she could easily describe me as one of the men I’m about to decry.

On the other hand, I do think I have a tiny bit wisdom on the subject, at least from the point of view of a man who tries (every once and a while) to be a good man.

I’ll start with the men first, then move to the women (what you thought you were immune ;).


Our world seems to be overrun with man-children: Members of the male sex who are technically old enough to be considered men but who have not progressed beyond a Jr. High or High School mentality.  They can’t commit to anything, they base their value on performance and achievement, and they are constantly hurting themselves and anyone who gets close to them. When they die, 3 subjects will sum up their life:

1. Sports (or video games or music or drugs or add activity here and mix and match as you please) – Whatever they can do to fill their time and take their mind off the fact that they are miserable and dying inside.

2. Money – How much cash can they make, have or at least appear to have: Money is also the catalyst that helps them achieve subjects 1 and 3.

3. Conquests – How many women can they con into sleeping with them: The word “power” could be used as a substitute. Same difference.

Any man who is telling you the truth will tell you that there is not much in this world that is more appealing than these 3 subjects.  And this is exactly the problem.

As humans we are imperfect, we are damaged goods. We are born evil and will remain as such unless we experience the power of Christ. Even with Christ, the lure of evil is often times overwhelming.

If anyone has ever raised a puppy, one of the first things you learn is that you can’t just leave puppy chow sitting around. A puppy will literally eat itself to death. As men, we are puppies left alone in a land of infinite puppy chow… which leads me to my next subject.


Why are women so attracted to the bad guy? I can’t say any of this without certainty because I’m not a woman, so I’ll just have to go off of observations I’ve made and material I’ve read on the subject.

Observation 1 – It’s not just a cliché; the whole bad guy thing really does work. I was the nice boy for the longest time. I also never had a girlfriend for more than a month (they always dumped me), but then I started putting the pieces together. Soon enough I was playing guitar and I had tattoos, piercings and dread locks. Before you know it, I was dating a model. See visual aide number 1.

   Visual Aide Number 1

Observation 2 – The bad guy thing works for a while, but then to keep them happy, you’ve got to turn into a good guy. When we met I was a college flunky with dreads and tats and not much else going for me. When she dumped me I was an Aviation Administration major with a perfect GPA, full ride scholarship and nice preppy haircut.

Observation 3 – As much as women want to catch the bad guy and tame him, once they tame him he gets boring and they get bored.

So what’s a guy or girl to do in this insurmountable clash of the titans? John Eldredge, in his book “Wild at Heart” really helped me understand, and his explanation with God’s help, shaped the foundation that my one successful relationship has been built on.

In the book he says that inside every woman there is a beauty. A beauty who is looking for a prince to slay the dragon and rescue her so they can ride off into the sunset, and off to adventure. He goes on to say that inside every man there is a dragon to slay, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.

Notice the story does not read, “The prince rescued the princess and she became his life and he became hers.“ The adventure is a very important part of the story and cannot be ignored. 

(As for the question, why do women like bad boys? Bad boys tend to signify adventure, drama, and danger, most of which women find exhilarating. Not that good boys can't be exhilarating, but let's face it, they usually aren't.)  

Now I would be foolish to think I could wrap up the entire male/female relationship conversation in a few short pages. There are obviously innumerable scenarios. I also do not believe that every woman needs a man, or visa versa. But for those who are looking, I think these ideas may be a good place to start. See visual aide number 2.

  Visual Aide Number 2

Mindy and I have been married for a little less than 2 years now. Our entire relationship has lasted about 5 years. Notice my nose ring and gauged ears. This picture was also taken at one of my concerts. Mindy is very supportive of the adventure that God is sending me on, and I am very supportive of her adventure. We have not tried to “tame” each other. We have our bad times and our sad times and are by no means a perfect example, but in the end we both understand that we will not give up and with God’s help and God’s help alone we will transverse this awkward existence known as life.

For a few more random thoughts on the subject, I leave you with this"

“Love, love, love, is all we ever talk of, talk and talk is all we ever get done"

- Staggerford  myspace.com/staggerford

“Love is a verb.”

- DC Talk

 “A friend of mine spent twenty years looking for the perfect woman; unfortunately when he found her, he discovered that she was looking for the perfect man.”

- Warren Buffet

1 comment:

Ron Gehrke II said...

The DC Talk reference obligated me to comment.

It has been a while, but Wild at Heart was such an eye opening book. Read that and Erwin McManus' Chasing Daylight around the same time and they have both shaped a lot of how I live. The idea that as a man I am free to or should seek "adventure" was revolutionary. It freed me up to seek God's path for my life rather than falling to the expected norms of society.